America The Beautiful, a history lesson

Seriously, people just need to get over themselves. In case you’ve been living under a rock, Coca-Cola produced a commercial for the Super Bowl this past weekend that had many people in this country going crazy. It seems that people take pop songs about America very seriously. I hate to see what would happen if a Canadian Rapper did a cover of Lee Greenwood’s Proud to Be an American.

 

Sadly, to show the overall lack of intellect by so called “Proud Americans”, many people complained that the National Anthem shouldn’t be sung in a language other than English. Yeah, it seems these really proud Americans don’t know that this is not the anthem of the country.

But what is the song, you ask, that its mere singing in another language has driven people out of their mind?  The song was based on an 1895 poem called Pikes Peak, written by Katharine Lee Bates.  The title was changed to America, since the magazine in which it first appeared was published on July 4^th. The music behind it, written by Samuel ward, was lifted from another one of Ward’s works, a song called O Mother Dear, Jerusalem. In 1910, the song itself was published, and America the Beautiful was born. Now, several times over the last hundred years, there has been a push to put America the Beautiful on the same pedestal as The Star Spangled Banner. To this date, this has yet to happen. The consensus is that the Star Spangled Banner relies too much on war images, and doesn’t represent America. The song itself has been written and re-written three times since Bates first put pen to paper. So, before everyone loses their collective heads anymore, the song you’re getting so mad about is a third edition re-write.

Because the song got is beginnings as a hymn, which is perhaps why the song has never gotten to the stage of the Star Spangled Banner.  I still can’t figure out why every thinks that a hymn needs to be sung only in English. After all, aren’t we the giant melting pot? Isn’t the sharing of the song a great way to bound with people of other nations?

And therein lays the main issue, which people don’t really have a damn clue about the true meaning of the song. It has at its core, nothing really to do with the flag, mom, and apple pie. The song was written as an ode to the mountain, lakes, rivers, and beauty of the land of America, not the people, not the flag. The song says here is this great land, with these beautiful sites to see, these lakes, these mountains. And there is nothing wrong with someone singing about this country to their native people in their native tongue. They are singing about the purity of America. Why must the onus be placed that you can only sing of America in English?

One thing that I’ve been staying away from is the people who’ve posted on the various social media outlets that song must be sung in English because it is the language of the natives of this land. That couldn’t be further from correct. If you really want to sing America the Beautiful in the first dialect spoken on America’s shores, then you better brush up on your Apache, Seminole, or Navajo. Just a small sample of the many natives that were here long before a group of people boarded a ship called the Mayflower.

I know I’ve pissed off more than a few people today by several times referring to America the Beautiful as a pop song of its day. I can deal with that, because it’s time that the myth is shed, and the truth be known. Despite the folklore attached to it, America the Beautiful was an ode to the land and sites of the nation’s heartland written by a lesbian. It is a song, not the anthem of America. I firmly stand by Coca-Cola for the Super Bowl commercial. Because I know that all of those nations represented in that commercial represent where many of our ancestors came from. Think about that.

State of the Union thoughts and reflections

I’ve had a lot of fun watching the conservatives pretty much lose their minds over President Obama’s State of the Union Address. And for some reason, they chose a rather unknown to deliver the GOP response.  Her message was pretty much the standard response, with God tossed in to make their fan base stand up and cheer. It kind of came off like an infomercial for a 1970’s greatest hits package.

 

But terrible setting for the response aside, I had to laugh at some of the GOP responses. Randy Weber, Republican, who tweets @TXRandy14 said “On the Floor, waiting for the Kommandant-inChief” he also ranted about Obama being a “Socialist”. Funny how that is always the refuge, to call someone a socialist. Roger Williams (@RepRWilliams) tweeted “Ignore the Constitution #SOTU. Did Williams somehow forget about Bush, who happily stripped away freedoms under the guise of protecting the American Citizenship from terrorist? The overwhelming majority of the NSA programs in effect today where put into place by Bush, many just infant programs circa 2005.

That aside, the conservatives are dusting off the corpse of Ronald Reagan as the standard bearer of the constitution loving president. Let’s examine the idea of Executive Action, which president Obama has said he will do in order to get his measures past to help the country. Ronald Reagan instituted 381 executive orders. That’s 47.6 per year over his eight year reign in office. At this rate, President Obama will finish with 114 fewer Executive Orders than Reagan. In fact, tor each Reagan’s numbers, President Obama would need a third term in office to outdo that number. For the record, President Obama at the time of this writing has a mere 167 orders. So, if Obama is a dictator, what the hell was Reagan? You won’t get any Republicans to answer that without them doing the Texas two-step around the question.

Listen; there are things I would have loved to hear throughout the State of the Union Address. I would love to have heard that there was going to be a fight to help veterans currently living in halfway houses or out on the streets. I would have loved to have heard that these men and women would be covered for life under a special insurance program. I would have enjoyed hearing that there was a plan to create more VA hospitals in rural areas to ease the burden of vets who live in these places. I would have loved to have heard President Obama push for more spending on education. President Obama has been handicapped by one of the most worthless congresses in American history. The only congress that comes to mind that is as bad as the Tea Party congress is the Congress from 1803. Many members of that congress, smarting from President Jefferson removing many of John Adams “Midnight appointees” decided they were going to make Jefferson’s life hell. And yes, while Jefferson had two terms in office, he wasn’t able to accomplish everything he wanted to do. They took to the press to do so, outing Jefferson’s affair with Sally Hemmings. They took after Jefferson with great gusto, much like their modern day counterparts have done today. Only instead of Federalist newspapers, they use their PR arm, a billion dollar Fox News network. See my friends, history really does repeat itself.

Now, from 2001-2008, anytime you spoke out against the President, called him a dictator, you got grilled in the press, you were considered un-American, or you were giving hope to terrorist. The Dixie Chicks said they weren’t proud of President Bush, and in an act of free speech repression (real free speech repression, not what Phil Robertson thrust upon himself) radio stations banned playing Dixie Chicks music, Country Music TV refused to play their videos, and with the Republican PR machine in full motion, the career of the band died. While Toby Keith, who took after them in the press, wrote generic anthems, and everyone flocked to him, purchasing his albums en masse.  MTV refused to play music videos from the heavy metal band Otep, whose song “Warhead” contained the verse, “He lies they die, keep the peasants terrified” in reference to Bush. Eminem released a song called Mosh before the 2004 election which as well mocked Bush, featuring the famous verse “Let him strap on an AK, Let him impress Daddy that way.”  MTV quickly pulled the song from rotation. All under the guise that you were not allowed to mock President Bush.

Now, flash forward a few years, and save for the songs, the GOP is using many tactics they were so against. And the fear they have tried to instill in people who lead to one of the greatest racial divides since before the civil rights movement of the 1960’s.  Thankfully, some people are seeing passed these parlor games, and hate mongers like Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, and Michael Savage are seeing their ratings drop. Limbaugh and Beck have begun to lose radio outlets as a result.

So here we sit, and for the next two years, until the new president is elected, where going to hear more of this. And by the way, maybe it’s about time our media began to fact check both sides. It used to be the news was reported, no hyperbole, just the facts. Maybe it is time our media actually acted like the damn media, and stopped playing kiss ass.

That is all.

Ducks, Spills, and finally, someone with class

Last time I checked, it was 13 degrees out. Much of the US, as I write these words, is trapped in a frozen weather front. And despite all of this, and the fact that much of Alaska is warmer than all of New York or Pennsylvania, there are still brain-dead climate change deniers like Sarah Palin out there, posting uninformed ramblings. However, enough about the dimwitted like of Palin, let’s move to another collection of dumbasses.

Let’s, instead talk about the Duck Dynasty clan, aka, the newest members of the 15 minutes of fame club. Yeah, many conservative Christians were ready to defend Phil Robertson’s right to free speech (while, ironically, never saying anything about former Vikings punter Chris Kluwie, blackballed from the NFL for supporting gay rights), however, not many of those people tuned into the Duck Dynasty premier. Maybe they were a little taken aback by the fact that the Duck Dynasty crew is nothing but a bunch of actors. You see, that GQ appearance, followed by Phil Robertson’s misguided statements about gay marriage (not to mention the infamous YouTube video that surfaced in which Robertson advocated for child marriage) shook a few skeletons from the closet. I’m sure by know you’ve seen all of those photos in which the Robertson clan looked like an advertisement for frat boys gone wild.

It seems those rough and tumble throwback hunters are really the Abercrombie & Fitch crowd. Clean shaven, well-groomed, dressed in clothing that cost more than much of the Duck Dynasty makes in a month. However you look at it, Duck Dynasty went from 12 million viewers for last years’ season debut, to 8 million for this years’. Yes, this includes the DVR’s as well. And yeah, I figure that many of the Duck Dynasty fans are going to claim that it was because Phil didn’t have a big presence on the show. And that’s just a cop out, plain and simple. Fact is that some people were smartened up that Duck Dynasty is just a TV show, no different than anything else. Duck Dynasty has script writers, much of the so called real emotion is faked, and that everyone on the show is playing a character.  They are nothing more than generic representations of southerners. And they don’t really care, and I think they could care less if the show ends up canceled. The Robertson’s have made millions, hand over fist, and truth be told, they really don’t need the TV show. Enough hunters buy their products that they can afford mansions, and expensive vacations. And if you need proof of that just google some of the country club photos that have surfaced.

But, enough about those chuckleheads. Let’s talk about people who have been through hell who didn’t deserve, and that is the residents of Charleston, West Virginia. I’m sure by now everyone has heard about the chemical spills that have made the water undrinkable (something I’m sure pleases the CEO’s of the various bottled water companies). Now, I don’t have a degree in the sciences to give me expansive knowledge of the chemicals spilled, but it doesn’t take a genius to know that certain things should not make it into the public water supply! Not only is a nasty cleaning chemical called MCHM in the supply, but a second, called PPH, also known as mixture of polyglycol ethers, which can cause danger, is swallowed, but thankfully, there hasn’t been any reported death. It also appears that Freedom Industries has engaged in some clever fiscal maneuvers to keep its current owner, J. Clifford Forrest, having the ability to starve off the eventual liability lawsuits heading his way. (For more on that, please read the following: http://www.businessweek.com/articles/2014-01-23/a-second-toxic-chemical-spilled-in-west-virginia-and-freedom-industries-said-nothing-until-now )

From many of the reports that I’ve read, it seems that West Virginia has some of the loosest regulations of any state in the union. Hopefully, this will be the jumping off point to disprove the long held conservative belief that businesses can regulate themselves with zero over sight from any government agency.

And before anyone says anything, outside of this notice, I intently didn’t say anything about Justin Bieber because he’s not news worthy; he’s not worth any attention in my blogs.

In closing, everyone has been talking about Seahawks cornerback Richard Sherman, and his post-game interview with Erin Andrews. I found it refreshing, and thankfully atypical of the usual generic postgame interview.  And those that called Sherman a thug have eaten plenty of crow. And I like how Sherman linked calling someone like him a “thug” as a roundabout way to call him the n-word, and he hit the nail right on the head. And after hearing about Sherman’s off the field work with special needs kids, I no longer see him as a brash player with the Joe Namath gift of gab. I see him as a man worthy of everyone’s respect.

And with that, I closeout this edition of the rant, until next time.

Theater and school shootings, and Bridgegate

It’s a brand new year, and already we’ve had more than a few major news stories on TV. The year is not even four weeks old and already we’ve had school shootings, a nut job go ape in a movie theater, and some people weep over the notion if a murderer was given a humane exit. Oh, and Judge Scalia once again proved that he’s perhaps the dumbest man ever to sit on the Supreme Court.

 

In perhaps the dumbest statement issued by a court justice since Roger Taney blacks weren’t full people, Justice Antonin Scalia on Wednesday took issue with buffer zones at abortion clinics. He complained that the law referred to the folks with the anti-abortion signs as protester. Instead, he referred to them as “Councilors” and that they were merely at the abortion clinics to “comfort” women seeking an abortion. Take a second to re-read that sentence, and let it sink in. A sitting justice on the Supreme Court, allegedly an educated man, said that the people that stand outside of abortion clinics holding placards featuring pictures of dead babies and shouting “murderer” aren’t protesters, but they are there to comfort and offer advice to the women seeking an abortion. I’m not sure what logic he was following there. When I see a large gathering of people chanting and holding signs, you know what I think they are? I think they are fucking protesters! By Scalia’s logic, anyone protesting the war isn’t a protester, no, they are anti-war councilors attempting to make the world leaders fight their battles without weapons.

I have no issue with the buffer zones, because I’ve seen how insane some of these protesters can get. And I’m going to call them protesters because that is exactly what they are, protesters. I’ve seen them shout at women, calling them baby killers and murders. They don’t really take into account that maybe the women are having the abortion for health reasons.  Nope, that would be rational. It’s not like some of these protesters don’t have a past in which they’ve killed people. Oh wait, that’s right, they do, which is why the buffer zone was put into place to begin with! Justice Scalia’s position on this subject is as ill-informed as it is dangerous.

On the subject of dangerous, that brings us to retired police chief Curtis Reeves. Reeves are the man who shot and killed another man simply because the man was texting during the preview of a movie. Oh, did you know that Reeves in a previous incident followed a 27 year old woman to the bathroom after confronting her over texting during the previews of a movie during a previous visit to the movie theater by Reeves. So it’s not like Reeves just snapped, because there is now record of his stalking a texter. Reeves is a former Police Chief who attempted to use the “Stand your Ground” act. Reeves’ attorney actually had the balls to say that Reeves felt threatened because Chad Oulson threw popcorn at him. I’m not sure in what universe popcorn throwing is a threat and cause for someone to take out a gun and open fire. So, Richard Escobar, attorney for Curtis Reeves, actually had the balls to say that because popcorn was being thrown at his client, that use of a weapon was justified because Reeves felt threatened!

First, I’m not exactly sure why Reeves brought a weapon into the theatre. What’s more disturbing is that Reeves was seeing the movie Lone Survivor. All that really matters is that Chad Oulson texted the day care center his daughter was in and it cost him his life. Reeves, who by the way, was denied the Stand Your Ground claim, is sitting in a jail cell, perhaps surrounding by some people either he or his son, who is a current Tampa cop,  put there. But I can’t really say that I have any faith that the Florida District Attorney’s office will be able to keep him there. After seeing them botch George Zimmerman and Casey Anthony in such amateur style it would be fitting for a comedy movie, you can’t say that Florida is home to the best and brightest legal minds.

On the subject of shooting, we also had a school shooting committed by a 12 year old in Roswell, New Mexico. Thankfully, no one was killed this time. A teacher, unarmed might I add, was able to talk the boy out of doing any more damage. Imagine that, talking actually got someone to put down a gun. Funny how the NRA isn’t trying to get every police agency to get rid of hostage negotiators and simply rush in anytime someone is held hostage.

Now, I’m sure that some of you might be wondering why I haven’t offered my opinion of “Bridgegate” and Chris Christie. Fox News, the unofficial PR firm for the Republican Party, anytime something happens, automatically, President Obama had full knowledge and knew everything a head of time. When one of their own claims no prior knowledge, they take it as gospel straight from Luke. Sorry, Chris Christie having zero knowledge that a bridge was going to close in order to stick it to a political rival doesn’t exactly right true to me. However, let’s be honest about one thing. If Chris Christie did put the bridge closure into play, he’s just taking a page from a playbook that was first written back in 1802 with John Adams and the midnight appointments. It’s nothing more than gamesmanship between political rivals than anything else, which is why I really don’t care about it. To me, it’s a minor issue. I think I’ll pay more attention to how the GOP plans to screw the unemployed, thank you very much. That is the bigger story.

That does it for this edition of the rant. I’ll see you next time.

Some Say I'm a Dreamer

The question needs to be asked, who are we? Seriously, as a nation, who are we? I find myself with the dilemma of pondering this question every time I hear one of these ultra conservative Republicans speak. They act like they speak for the vast majority of Americans, but I have to hope, that they really don’t.

The reason I ask this question is because of the ping pong game going on in congress over unemployment benefits. Thanks to the wisdom of FDR, social security and unemployment made their way into being. The previous president, Herbert Hoover, thought very little of these programs.

Now, before I get back to my opening question, let’s quickly examine Herbert Hoover, the 31^st president of the United States. Hoover was a self-starter. He’d been born into poverty, he became an orphan. He attended Stanford, and used his degree in engineering to fashion himself into a multi-millionaire.  To use a modern model, he was a business man, not unlike the Republicans fashioned Mitt Romney to be. Hoover, however, won his presidential bid in 1928, and part of his platform was to run the country the way a smart business man would.

Alas, October 29, 1929 brought an end to the countries admiration for Hoover. He put forth tax cuts to big business, attempted weak public works programs, and all the while, told the press that America would soon be on its feet again. However, his staunch view that the government should have little if anything to do with the poor was a fatal view. Homeless people set out shanties called “Hoovervilles”  Hoover flat refused to give any thought to unemployment insurance, or any spending by the federal government to stop the bleeding. By the time 1932 rolled around, unemployment was ay 25%. In the next election, FDR crushed him. FDR’s new deal brought a revival to the nation, and history would rightfully paint Herbert Hoover as the most ineffective president in the nations’ history.

I use that little history lesson to bring us back to my opening question, what type of people are we? I hear about how the Republicans are entrenched in making sure that any extension of unemployment benefits comes with some serious cut backs to the Affordable Health Care Act. That’s right, they still haven’t let go of that one. Now to hold some of the downtrodden people in this nation as hostages in order to deep six a program you don’t like is sickening. I don’t get the logic why not simply use the program as a platform in the next campaign, why this fight to stop it now?

Then it began to occur to me that this could very well have very little to do with the people on unemployment, well, those who saw their benefits end because those they elected failed to help them. And I say help and not take care of them because I’m not going to fall into that trap. There is this misguided school of thought that liberals want a nation of people depending of the government. There is nothing wrong with helping people when they are a little down on their luck. That is what a kind hearted nation does.  I remember learning as a child about a man who went around, helping the sick without charging them a dime, what was his name? Oh yeah, that’s right, it was Jesus. You know, that savoir guy from the bible that conservative are always grasping close in their hands.

There is nothing wrong with helping people when they are down. And it’s rather vulgar that people would paint compassion and caring in a negative light. We claim to be caring people, in the time of tragedy, we’re amazed at when neighbor helps neighbor. No money exchanges hands, just people being humane. I don’t see charges of dependency against those helping to rebuild a home.

It sickens me that there has to be paid programming to raise money for those who served this nation in battle. Those people should always, always receive our best care. They answered the call to defend this nation. Under no set of circumstances should any of their benefits be subject to cuts. There is simply no defense for such an act.

I’m frustrated to see children with cancer. We can make Ipods, picture taking cell phones, and about a thousand other little gadgets but we cannot provide medical care for the ill. Let’s take a step back, and look at ourselves goddamnit! Let’s ask why medical care is so expensive that it prices some people right to the grave! Let’s ask why medical care of others has to be a for profit business. How come those we elect won’t answer that question?

And has I sit here, typing these words, I’m again drawn to the question I posed at the start of this blog, what type of nation are we? How is it that we can so easily turn a blind eye and call names to those that are at their lowest point?

I guess you can say I’m frustrated. I’ve never saw the value in not helping someone. I can never see that point, I don’t look at them as takers, and I look at them like they are people, because they are people.

And that could perhaps be the issue, that these people have been used as a wedge issue for so long it’s become hard for them to be people as people. A John Lennon famous song lyric goes “Some say I’m a Dreamer.” But like him, I hope I’m not the only one.

 

Don't make Robertson a Free Speech Martyr

I was thinking to myself about the notion of actually doing a blog about the whole Duck Dynasty fiasco that occurred this week. I was torn between the idea of getting my thoughts out there, and giving them more publicity.  I have to say, Duck Dynasty got more press this week alone then I think they’ve gotten throughout the entire run of their program.

And then I saw the comments defending Phil Robertson for what he said. How it was protected by the first amendment, and we have zero right to criticize him under any circumstances. And as I read these comments, I wasn’t taken aback by them as affirming that would he said about homosexuality was right, or how easily his comments supporting Jim Crow laws were glossed over. I more and more was annoyed on how his supporters tried to present him as a defender of free speech. He’s not on that level, nor will he ever be.

Anyone who thinks Phil Robertson is a martyr of denied free speech needs to seriously google the name Lenny Bruce. Until the emergence of Lenny Bruce in the 1960’s, mainstream comedy was very bland. You have one liner like Henny Youngman, or toed the line of being edgy, without ever coming close to going over it. It was very bland, and Lenny Bruce changed that. He attacked religion and the brutality tendencies of the police.  He attacked the KKK, and spoke out about the inequality between the races. He found himself being stalked by the Federal Government who arrested him several times. He found himself on trial for use of the word “Cocksucker” and was banned for life from Australia for opening with the line “What a great Fucking Audience.”  Shortly after he said that, he was dragged from the stage, and quickly arrested.  A 1964 performance was viewed by undercover police, and after uses of the words “Shit” and “Fuck”, he was arrested. He was found guilty of obscenity, and sentenced to jail. He ever really served the term however, as he died during the appeal process.

So, let that sink in for a second. He was arrested for saying in public, words like “Shit” or “Fuck”. These words weren’t protected as free speech, and it wasn’t until 40 years later that he would receive a posthumous pardon. Comics that would follow him, George Carlin, Rodney Dangerfield, Bob Saget, Bill Hicks, Lisa Lampenelli, Richard Pryor, and Chris Rock would never have been allowed to perform their material if it weren’t for Lenny Bruce.

Another example of a real champion of free speech is Larry Flynt. Larry made his fortune publishing Hustler magazine, and was often being arrested on charges of obscene materials, even though magazines such as Penthouse and Playboy were allowed to publish without impediment.  Larry Flynt was shot and paralyzed one day while leaving court. A few years later, in a case that would find its way to the Supreme Court, Larry Flynt ran a parody ad about Jerry Falwell having a sexual encounter with his own mother. Falwell, citing hurt feelings and the need to protect his image in public, sued, won a defamation case, which was later overturned, because the act of parody was protected, and that people who are in the public eye are not exempt simply because they have an image to protect.

You see, that is what a warrior of free speech. It’s not spewing a bunch of BS from the bible. And by the way, I am curious about something. Considering that the Duck Dynasty family is all about adhering to the   bible, I wonder how many of their shows have been filmed on the Sabbath. After all, that would be a violation of the Ten Commandments, considering that neither Phil Robertson, his wife, son, daughter, son in law, etc., etc., would not be allowed to do any work of any kind, that includes the filming of their show.

His comparing homosexual relations to bestiality were narrow minded and dim whitted. The same thing was said about allowing inter-racial marriage and inter-faith marriage, which were both frowned upon the way same sex marriage is today. And guess what, inter-faith and inter-racial marriages were allowed, and there was no man bringing Fido to the court demanding that their right to marriage be allowed.

And somehow, in all of this, his view point on race relations has been lost in the shadows. He said that blacks around him were happier in the Jim Crow era, and they never complained about the White man. Well, either he’s romanticized his youth, or he’s simply ignorant.  Here’s what usually happened to southern blacks who complained about their treatment: they were either beaten, or found themselves on the wrong end of a lynching. And that is the truth, undisputable fact.

 

I wonder how defenders he’d have if he didn’t use the protection of the Bible to base him views on same sex marriage to cover his ignorant views on race. Don Imus got fired for making a joke in calling the Rutgers women’s basketball team a bunch of “Nappy-headed Hoes.” No one defended his right to say that, they all clamored for him to get fired and after decades of being on the same radio network, he was fired, and his career was pretty much over.  Rick Sanchez saw his career at CNN end after he made a rant about Hispanics being lock out of top spots in the “Jew controlled Media”  Mel Gibson’s career was derailed for making comments against blacks and Jewish people alike. Everyone wanted Eagles player Riley Cooper banned for life after a video of him drunk at a Kenny Chesney concert saying “I want to kick all the niggers’ asses.” went viral.

I guarantee you as sure as I am sitting here, that if the racial comments Phil Robertson made went viral, and not his views on homosexuality, that about 99% of his current supports would be on the other side, and would be applauding A&E’s decision to remove him from the show.  It’s utterly foolish to think otherwise.

Do I support what A&E did? Yes I do. People seem to think that freedom of speech saves you from any repercussions for what you said. That’s not how it works.  I know that for my blogs, I open myself to repercussions for what I write, and I can deal with that.  And guess what, Phil Robertson is in that spot right now. And do you want to know something else, in about six weeks from now, this is all going to be forgotten. No one talks about Riley Cooper’s comments anymore. They talk about how important he’s been to the Eagles offense in the wake of Jason Avant’s season ending injury. Mel Gibson is still making movies. Phil Robertson is going nowhere, and neither is Duck Dynasty.  If they want, they simply can take the show to the internet, and produce it themselves. They’d still make money off of licensing, and they won’t have to adhere to the standards and practices of the A&E network.  So relax people, and just enjoy the freak show. And don’t ever, ever under any set of circumstances, make Phil Robertson a free speech martyr. He’s just a man with a point of view that has been out of step with regular society for the last 50 years.

The Christmas list

It’s the holiday season, and I figured that if I could give a gift to any celebrity, I’d give them the following:

1. The Duck Dynasty creator Phil Robertson: A calendar so he knows what year it is.

2. For Tony Romo, well, for his teammates anyways posters of how to perform the Heimlich maneuver. For when he chokes at crunch time

3. Pope Francis: For your wisdom and shunning the excess of your papal office to be pass down for generation.

4. Alec Baldwin. Better Judgment

5. Sarah Palin: Do we give her a brain or a soul….I’m open to suggestions

6. Tea Party supporters: A basic knowledge of the US Constitution and history.

7. CNN:  A set of balls, which they currently lack.

8. Glenn Beck: Give him what he wants, his own little island so he can spread his insane rhetoric to the animal life

9. Jacoby Ellsbury: To be at bat, in a clutch moment, and to deliver a knockout blow that keeps the Boston Red Sox out of the play offs.

And finally, perhaps the most important gift of all:

10. To Michael J. Fox. Quite simply, a cure.